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Where has the Empathy gone?

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It is a fundamental human emotion that allows us to connect with each other and build strong relationships. However, in recent years, it seems that empathy has been on the decline, in fact The Personality and Social Psychology Review found that Levels of empathy fell by 48% between 1979 and 2009.

Image of a hand passing a paper hear5t with a plaster to another hand. A blog about empathy

I see it all too often, probably more so since I became a parent…

Parent: Gosh I’m finding things tough at the moment; I’m worried about being able to afford to feed my family with the current cost-of-living crisis.

Society: Well, maybe you shouldn’t have had kids if you can’t afford them!

Parent: It’s frustrating when people with no kids park in the parent and child spaces

Society: Well why should I have to walk all the way across the car park? What gives you more right to park right by the door?

Parent: I’m really tired right now, my baby seems to want to feed all night long and I can’t seem to do anything about it.

Society: They’re using you as a dummy, you shouldn’t have been feeding them, just leave them to cry.

There are several factors that may be contributing to this decline. One factor is the rise of social media. Social media can be a great way to stay connected with friends and family, but it can also be a breeding ground for negativity, insecurity and division.

Another reason is that individualism is rising in the Western world. According to Psychological Science, “individualist cultures tend to conceive of people as self-directed and autonomous, and they tend to prioritize independence and uniqueness as cultural values. Collectivist cultures, on the other hand, tend to see people as connected with others and embedded in a broader social context – as such, they tend to emphasize interdependence, family relationships, and social conformity.”

The decline of empathy is a serious problem. Empathy is essential for building strong relationships and creating a more just and compassionate world.

As parents and people working in the parenting space, I believe we have the power to reverse the decline of empathy.

Here are a few things we can do to increase empathy as an adult with other adults:

  • Spend time with people who are different from you. One of the best ways to learn about empathy is to spend time with people who are different from you. This can help you to understand different perspectives and to develop a greater sense of compassion.
  • Listen to others with an open mind. When you are listening to someone, try to really listen to what they are saying. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Try to understand their point of view and to see things from their perspective.
  • Be kind and compassionate. Even if you don’t agree with someone, you can still be kind and compassionate. Treat others the way you would want to be treated.
  • Help others in need. One of the best ways to show empathy is to help others in need. There are many ways to do this, such as volunteering your time, donating to charity, or simply being there for a friend or family member who is going through a tough time.

But going further than that, we can make sure we are parenting with empathy too:

  • Listen to your child. When your child is talking to you, really listen to what they have to say. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Try to understand their point of view and to see things from their perspective.
  • Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Let your child know that you understand how they are feeling. Even if you don’t agree with how they are feeling, it is important to validate their emotions.
  • Be patient. Children are still learning how to manage their emotions. It takes time and patience for them to learn how to express themselves in a healthy way.
  • Be a role model. Children learn by watching the adults in their lives. If you want your child to be empathetic, it is important to model empathy in your own behaviour.
  • Talk about feelings. It is important to talk to your child about feelings in a positive way. Help them to understand that all feelings are okay, and that it is okay to express their feelings in a healthy way. There are many great books available that can help children learn about feelings. Reading these books together can be a great way to start a conversation about feelings.
  • Help your child to help others. One of the best ways to teach children empathy is to help them to help others.  

Empathy is a powerful emotion that can make the world a better place. By taking steps to increase empathy in the next generation, we can create a more just and compassionate world for everyone.

References

Individualistic Practices and Values Increasing Around the World – Association for Psychological Science – APS

Konrath, S. H., O’Brien, E. H., & Hsing, C. (2011). Changes in Dispositional Empathy in American College Students Over Time: A Meta-Analysis. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 15(2), 180–198. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868310377395