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6 Tips for Coping with Toddler Tantrums

Tantrums are a frustrating, draining, and sometimes embarrassing part of parenting a toddler. 

How do you handle it when your little one is losing their you know what and you can’t seem to bring them back to calm?

Image of toddler crying in the arms of his mother

Why do children tantrum?

Toddlers tantrum for a variety of reasons. Some common reasons include:

  • Frustration. Toddlers are still learning how to control their emotions, and they often get frustrated when they can’t do something they want to do, or when they don’t get their way. Toddlers don’t have an ability to differentiate between different levels of threat, so react the same to being given the wrong colour cup as to a genuine threat.
  • Hunger/Thirst/Tiredness. When all our basic needs are met, the nervous system is calm, our arousal systems are regulated, and our mood is more stable. If you’d like to read more about coping with a hangry toddler, click here. Tiredness isn’t always the stock answer to tantrums or challenging behaviour though, we must look beyond just physical reasons.
  • Anger. Toddlers also get angry, just like adults do. They may get angry when they’re tired, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed.
  • Boredom. Toddlers have a lot of energy, and they need to be kept busy. If they’re bored, they may start to play up in order to get attention.
  • Connection-seeking. Sometimes, toddlers tantrum simply because they are looking for connection. For some children, even negative attention is better than none, so if your child seems to play up when you’re distracted, this is probably it.
  • Developmental stage. Tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood. As toddlers grow and develop, they learn how to better control their emotions and behave in a more appropriate way.

It’s important to remember that tantrums are not a sign of bad behavior. They’re simply a way for toddlers to express their emotions. With patience and understanding, you can help your child learn how to manage their emotions and behave in a more appropriate way.

How to Manage my Toddler's Tantrums

  1. Understand that tantrums are normal. Toddlers are still learning how to control their emotions, and they often have tantrums when they’re frustrated, angry, or tired. It’s important to remember that tantrums are not a sign of bad behavior, and they’re not something you can “fix.”
  2. Stay calm. It’s hard to stay calm when your toddler is having a tantrum, but it’s important to do your best. If you get angry or frustrated, it will only make the tantrum worse. Your child needs you to be calm so they can regulate too.
  3. Have firm empathetic boundaries. If you ‘give in’ to your toddler’s demands every time they have a tantrum, they’ll learn that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want. Instead, try to hold your limit firm with kindness and empathy. Choose your battles too, some things are not worth the fight!
  4. Redirect your toddler’s attention. If you see your toddler starting to get frustrated, try to redirect their attention to something else. This could be a toy, a book, or even just a change of scenery.
  5. Take a break. If your toddler is having a tantrum that you just can’t handle, it’s okay to take a break. Put your toddler in a safe place and step away for a few minutes to calm down.
  6. Talk to your toddler about their feelings. Once your toddler has calmed down, talk to them about what happened. Help them to understand their feelings and how to express them in a more appropriate way.

Here are some additional tips for dealing with toddler tantrums:

Be consistent. It’s important to be consistent. If you are inconsistent with your response sometimes and not others, they’ll be confused and frustrated.

Be patient. It takes time for toddlers to learn how to control their emotions. Don’t expect them to stop having tantrums overnight.

Seek help if needed. If you’re struggling to deal with your toddler’s tantrums, don’t hesitate to seek help from a parenting expert or therapist.

Remember, tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood.

With patience and consistency, you can help your child learn how to manage their emotions. 

Like this and want to know more?

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Many parents are going through the same thing. With the right strategies and support, you can help your little one sleep more peacefully, and you’ll both wake up feeling more rested and ready for the day ahead.

If you’re looking for more support on how to handle toddler sleep challenges, check out the Taming Toddler Sleep Programme , my signature group sleep and parenting programme. I guarantee you’ll get better sleep or I’ll work with you for free until you do!

Together, we can create a sleep routine that works for your family, helping everyone get the rest they deserve.

Book your free call today
The image showcases a comprehensive online course on "Taming Toddler Sleep". It features various components like: - Workbooks: Three workbooks are displayed, each focusing on a specific aspect of the program: "The Evening Flow" (Workbook 3), "The Brain & Temperament" (Workbook 2), and "Sleep Hygiene & Naps" (Workbook 1). - Course Content: A tablet screen shows the course outline, including modules on "Welcome and How the Programme works", "Toddler Sleep Fundamentals", "Toddler Development", and "Temperament". - Instructor: A woman is shown using a laptop, likely engaged in teaching the course. - Social Media Integration: A smartphone displays a screenshot of a Facebook post related to the course, highlighting the "Baby Massage & Baby Sleep Consultant" service offered by the program.

Hi, I'm Jem

I have always been interested in gentle parenting techniques, and as a self confessed ‘geek’ I spent many a sleepless night reading. I became so interested in infant brain development and the science of sleep that I completed my Holistic Sleep Coaching qualification, mentored by the wonderful Lyndsey Hookway. I have been working as a toddler sleep consultant since 2018, I am based in Manchester but I can work with you from anywhere in the world online!

This coupled with my experience in settling techniques, toddler negotiation strategies and analysis of naps and sleep needs gives me a wealth of knowledge to be able help you. 

If you’re looking for help with making changes to your family’s sleeping habits and would like to speak to a toddler sleep consultant who is down to earth and sympathetic and will focus on you and your family with empathy and understanding then please get in touch.

I would love to hear from you!

Jem x

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Where to next?

Click here to book a free chat with Jem to discuss sleep packages and ensure we are a good fit. There is no obligation and I will only take clients where I genuinely feel I can change their lives.

I have three simple toddler sleep support packages, Read more about them here.

Yes! You can check out my free sleep resources here.

Perfect, in my book The Better Sleep Blueprint I share all my best guides and strategies for sleep up to 2 years of age. Check it out here.

You can also read more of my blogs here.