6 Tips for Coping with Toddler Tantrums

Tantrums are a frustrating, draining, and sometimes embarrassing part of parenting a toddler.

How do you handle it when your little one is losing their you know what and you can’t seem to bring them back to calm?

Why do children tantrum?

Toddlers tantrum for a variety of reasons. Some common reasons include:

Frustration. Toddlers are still learning how to control their emotions, and they often get frustrated when they can’t do something they want to do, or when they don’t get their way. Toddlers don’t have an ability to differentiate between different levels of threat, so react the same to being given the wrong colour cup as to a genuine threat.
Hunger/Thirst/Tiredness. When all our basic needs are met, the nervous system is calm, our arousal systems are regulated, and our mood is more stable. If you’d like to read more about coping with a hangry toddler, click here. Tiredness isn’t always the stock answer to tantrums or challenging behaviour though, we must look beyond just physical reasons.
Anger. Toddlers also get angry, just like adults do. They may get angry when they’re tired, hungry, or feeling overwhelmed.
Boredom. Toddlers have a lot of energy, and they need to be kept busy. If they’re bored, they may start to play up in order to get attention.
Connection-seeking. Sometimes, toddlers tantrum simply because they are looking for connection. For some children, even negative attention is better than none, so if your child seems to play up when you’re distracted, this is probably it.
Developmental stage. Tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood. As toddlers grow and develop, they learn how to better control their emotions and behave in a more appropriate way.

It’s important to remember that tantrums are not a sign of bad behavior. They’re simply a way for toddlers to express their emotions. With patience and understanding, you can help your child learn how to manage their emotions and behave in a more appropriate way.

How to Manage my Toddler's Tantrums

Understand that tantrums are normal. Toddlers are still learning how to control their emotions, and they often have tantrums when they’re frustrated, angry, or tired. It’s important to remember that tantrums are not a sign of bad behavior, and they’re not something you can “fix.”
Stay calm. It’s hard to stay calm when your toddler is having a tantrum, but it’s important to do your best. If you get angry or frustrated, it will only make the tantrum worse. Your child needs you to be calm so they can regulate too.
Have firm empathetic boundaries. If you ‘give in’ to your toddler’s demands every time they have a tantrum, they’ll learn that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want. Instead, try to hold your limit firm with kindness and empathy. Choose your battles too, some things are not worth the fight!
Redirect your toddler’s attention. If you see your toddler starting to get frustrated, try to redirect their attention to something else. This could be a toy, a book, or even just a change of scenery.
Take a break. If your toddler is having a tantrum that you just can’t handle, it’s okay to take a break. Put your toddler in a safe place and step away for a few minutes to calm down.
Talk to your toddler about their feelings. Once your toddler has calmed down, talk to them about what happened. Help them to understand their feelings and how to express them in a more appropriate way.

Here are some additional tips for dealing with toddler tantrums:

Be consistent. It’s important to be consistent. If you are inconsistent with your response sometimes and not others, they’ll be confused and frustrated.

Be patient. It takes time for toddlers to learn how to control their emotions. Don’t expect them to stop having tantrums overnight.

Seek help if needed. If you’re struggling to deal with your toddler’s tantrums, don’t hesitate to seek help from a parenting expert or therapist.

Remember, tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood.

With patience and consistency, you can help your child learn how to manage their emotions.

Jem

Jemma Munford is a Mum of two, Holistic Sleep Coach and all-round sleep geek, based in Manchester. Her focus on empowering parents, responsive methods, and realistic expectations make her approach a unique one in the space. You can buy her book, The Better Sleep Blueprint: A realistic guide to baby sleep for parents who don't want to sleep train on this website, on Amazon and at any bookshop nationwide.